Name: Hannah Dunn

Twitter Handle: @HDunn86

YA or MG: MG

Genre: Fantasy

Title: The Boy From The Mist

Twitter Pitch (140 characters max): 13yo Rhi finds village Elders have hidden outside world.To find out why,&free village children,he must escape and discover its magic secrets

1st 250 words of opening: Rhi poked the dying fire with a stick and gave a deep sigh. He hated working as a sheep herder, hated the long, lonely hours and the sheer monotony. With nothing else to do, he counted the flock again and found himself wishing the mist would take one, just to liven things up a bit. When he’d been assigned the role, at last year’s Coming of Age ceremony, he had been so disappointed he had taken to his bed and cried. For days, his father hadn’t spoken to him. Rhi supposed he had said all he wanted to in the hours after the ceremony–jabbing a calloused finger in his face and lecturing about putting the village’s needs above your own. A youth of thirteen years, Rhi couldn’t have cared less.

For three seasons now he’d spent his days sat at the very boundary of the world. Whatever the weather, the sheep needed watching, and Rhi had endured howling wind and driving rain, unrelenting sunshine and bitter frost. With each day his resentment grew. There has to be more than this? He thought to himself, as he stared unseeing into the flock.

The sun dipped below the horizon, taking the last of the day’s warmth with it. Rhi couldn’t see it, veiled behind the never-ending mist, but the Elders had taught him, and the rest of the village children, about its existence. Sun, moon, stars…these words conjured no pictures in his mind, yet he longed to see them for himself.

Synopsis (200 word max): Rhi’s world falls to pieces when he watches a rabbit disappear into the mist around his village – a mist which was supposed to be deadly and had kept the villagers in isolation for centuries. Thus begins his unravelling of the lies told by the Council of Elders. But before Rhi can reveal what he discovered, the Elders fight back and he is forced into exile, braving a journey through the inhospitable mist in the hopes of returning with proof of the fabled ‘Outside World’.

But sheltered and naïve Rhi is unprepared for the realities of the Outside World and is kidnapped, ready to be sold into slavery by a band of opportunistic traders. Escape brings him together with a pair of young outcasts in a cramped and busy city, and his eyes are opened to a new world where everyone has abilities and magic is the most sought after resource. But new freedoms bring choices and inexperienced Rhi cannot always be trusted to make the right decision. When a bad choice results in an accidental death, he is forced to start taking responsibility for his actions, and resolves to return home and finish the revolution he started.

Feedback tips (any areas where you specifically want people to focus?): I’m a total novice so anything is helpful! I’d really like some help making the synopsis eye-catching as I’m not sure at the moment that either the synopsis or the opening are drawing people’s attention.